Forgiveness

Often, I have heard people say that the person who hurt them doesn’t deserve forgiveness.  Some think that the offender isn’t sincere in even asking to be forgiven.

Let’s clearly address this today.  First of all, there is a very strong difference between remorse and repentance.  Those who show remorse are upset because they got caught – not because they want to change.  For example, if someone has committed a crime or been involved in domestic abuse situation, they will often say things and cry when the police arrive.  Their actions can be misinterpreted, and their angst cannot always be interpreted as sincere.  They are upset because they are found out and are now facing consequences.

Those who are repentant are completely different.  They realize that the things they have done have caused harm to others and to themselves.  Because of this, they truly want to change their lives.  It is like they have been facing one direction and doing certain things but want to do a 180 degree turn wherein they will face the opposite direction and do completely different things. They want forgiveness and pledge to sin no more, but this too might be confusing, because sometimes those who are truly repentant have “slips”.

We might hold grudges against people who have hurt us, but those people don’t even realize that they have caused hurt.  Instead of addressing them with it, we just hold it inside and let it fester to the point that we become sick. That isn’t good.

So, think about the ideas that you have learned and held onto throughout your life.  Are they helping you, or are they just preventing you from getting resolution?

Following are some things to ponder when it comes to forgiveness:

1. First you must state the offense that you have done or been subjected to. Write one simple sentence on a piece of paper so that you can clearly communicate.
2. Then you need to talk with the other person (offender or offended) while focusing on that clear statement of what happened and the consequences that resulted because of it.
3. Next simply state: “I am sorry that I did this to you. Will you forgive me?”  If they are the offenders, do not be surprised if that person doesn’t ask for forgiveness.  They might need time to process.
4. Finally, know that you have done your part. If the other person chooses not to forgive you or wants time to think about it, then it is theirs to deal with as you have done your part.

Also, think about the expression “Forgive and forget”.  It is not at all wise to forget what happened because then you will likely be vulnerable and allow it to happen again.  Lessons are learned from horrible experiences, and this is no exception.
There is no better time than now to deal with issues that will be healed with a little communication and forgiveness.