Looking for Love

Looking for Love

Dr. Linda Hancock

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr. Hancock has written a regular weekly column entitled “All Psyched Up” for newspapers in two Canadian provinces for more than a dozen years. Over the years, her readers and clients have said that they have benefited from her common-sense solutions, wisdom, and sense of humour. Dr. Linda Hancock, the author of “Life is An Adventure…every step of the way” and “Open for Business Success” is a Registered Psychologist who has a private practice in Medicine Hat. She can be reached at 403-529-6877 or through email office@drlindahancock.com

Published

February 13 2011

There's an old song that states, "Love's more wonderful the second time around". Well, don't be too sure about that. There are many who enter a relationship after a spouse's death or divorce with stars in their eyes and the idea that this is going to be even better than the first time around and then are sorely disappointed.

Still others end a marriage or partnership with the idea that anything would be better than the situation they were in. Then they are shocked when they realize that dating isn't the same as used to be and the old "rules" don't work very well.

Over the past few years, I have had many clients who were eager to find a new life partner only to discover that others are not as interested as they are in establishing a long-term commitment. Often, they find themselves feeling lonely and disappointed with humanity.

Well, I learned many years ago that for anything amazing to happen, time and opportunity have to meet. Think about the election of the First African American President in the United States. This might not have been possible a few years before (or after). The timing was perfect. The people wanted change and Barack Obama was the person who seemed to be best able to deliver it.

Think about how you started your career. Time and opportunity met.

History buffs can also testify to this theory. Anything that happened in the past was a result of the meeting of time and opportunity.

So, if you think that you can just leave one relationship and immediately enter into another one where all your dreams will be realized you perhaps need to think again.

I remember years ago watching a black and white television where contestants in the Miss America competition were required to answer a question that they drew from a large glass bowl. One beautiful (and wise) young woman drew the question "Do you believe in love at first sight?" She smiled as she answered "Yes, but I believe it is important that you take a second look".

So, what advice can I give for those who truly want a new relationship? First of all, figure out how to be your own best friend. Those who are desperately lonely often make poor choices. Make sure that you have developed a number of interesting activities to keep you busy. And, when you meet someone who at first look seems to be "exactly" the person you have been waiting for - make sure that you take a long second look!