Speaking the Truth

If you ask my grandchildren "What does your grandmother love more than you?" they will answer "The truth".

You see, when people speak the truth life is easier. You don't have to try to analyze information as much and you can relax knowing that the person you are with can be trusted.

My uncle, who is a retired judge, once told me that the justice system may be slow but it works. He explained that when a person lies then s/he has to tell another lie to cover that one up. Then they need to tell a third lie to cover up the second one and a fourth to cover up the third. This goes on and on until finally the person forgets what the first lie was. Then they go to jail!

My daughter and I recently had a conversation about children. She believes that all children lie. I believe that children lie to get out of trouble - not to get into trouble. Usually they lie to others when they are afraid of consequences or think that doing so will somehow protect them.

Lying doesn't pay.

With time, the truth comes out and once an individual is "caught" lying, others will always question their integrity. Sometimes, in fact, discovering that the person has lied can lead to a situation where their whole reputation crumbles and the facade we once knew is destroyed to reveal a lifestyle that is shocking. Just look at Tiger Woods! He started with just one lie!

Watching the news can be discouraging. Hardly a day goes by without a report of a so-called leader falling from their pedestal because they lied about something. Often they try to minimize their behaviour by using terms such as "I misspoke" or "I was misquoted" in their attempts to save face.

In 1808 Sir Walter Scott wrote "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive". Lying makes life complicated. You see, you need to have a wonderful memory in order to keep your stories straight! And each time you tell a lie, you risk losing your reputation.

I have found over the years that it is easier to just tell the truth. If I say something that might not have come out the way that I wanted it to, I immediately stop myself and state out loud "No, that's not right". I then quickly follow up with a statement that is more accurate.

If there has been a misunderstanding about the words that I used, I do my best to apologize and explain what I meant.

When others tell me a "whopper" I politely confront them and give them an opportunity to correct their story. You see, I want relationships that are built on a foundation of honesty.

If you know in your heart that you are not always honest, it isn't too late to change. There is no such thing as a "white lie" or a "fib". A lie is a lie.

Listen to what you tell others. Think about the way you word things. Consider why you might not be comfortable using the truth with that person. And make your corrected statements before the conversation ends.

There is great freedom in telling the truth. You will soon find that it eliminates fear, guilt and the possibility of losing the respect of others.

In fact, it probably won't be very long until you will honestly be able to say that you love truth more than anything - even your grandchildren. And think of what a message and example that will be for them!

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From Dr. Linda Hancock, Registered Psychologist and Registered Social Worker