Therapy Doesn't Work!

I find it so interesting to hear individuals give their opinions and state how convinced they are that therapy doesn’t work.  Sometimes it doesn’t and there are a number of reasons why this happens:

1. They have heard negative reports from other people – Word of mouth can have powerful influence, but it is important to remember that reviews and surveys for any product or service can show great differences. That’s why reviewers have the option to choose anywhere from one to five stars!  Don’t just believe the person who may have had a less than optimal experience – do some research.
2. It wasn’t their idea to enter therapy – I remember many years ago when a client told me “I have no intention of quitting drinking. I just come here because when my wife knows that I have an appointment card in my wallet, she is calm”.  Many clients enter therapy without “buying into the idea”.
3. They have never tried therapy – Opinions can often be based on assumptions that have never been proven. Fear, lack of commitment or stigma might prevent them from trying.
4. Their expectations are unreasonable – Once a teenager was upset with me because she said that working was difficult, and she wanted me to provide documentation stating that she should never have to hold a job because of this. Permanent disability status is not something that is easily determined or given – especially to a teenager who just wanted an income without effort.
5. They think that one or two appointments should “fix” everything – Couples who have had a conflictual relationship for several years and are on the way to the Court House sometimes state that they will try therapy as a last attempt. Realistically consider that people don’t get into trouble overnight and usually won’t get out of it overnight.
6. They attend for the wrong reasons. When a third party such as an insurance company. requires assessment and/or therapy in order to fund services or provide benefits, the person involved might only agree to participate for financial reasons.
7. They choose the wrong therapist – Developing rapport with someone who has expertise is vital when it comes to making positive change. Just as lawyers focus on certain areas of the legal system, therapists also have specializations and differing credentials.  Make sure you are working with someone who knows how to help you with your specific issue.
8. They aren’t honest about the problem – Blaming others, hiding information or not being willing to admit faults all prevent healing and progress. Stating that you are unhappy in your marriage but not admitting to the therapist that you are having an affair isn’t going to help in the long run.  And it will make you look like you are a dishonest person not just for the affair but also for not admitting it to the person who is supposed to be helping you.
9. Talking the talk but not walking the walk – Those who state that they are doing the homework, changing their ways, and making progress but continue to make bad choices are just cheating themselves. Theory is not enough. Making change means consistently applying evidence-based strategies in your life.

10. Timing – Over the years I have had many clients who come to see me for a period of time and make progress. We close the therapy file.  Then, other situations arise, and they return at a later date to work on those new things or even on issues that were present from the beginning that they weren’t ready to deal with earlier.

If you are struggling with something in your life and are hesitant to begin therapy because of one or more of these reasons, please think again.

People who value therapy and experience positive results are the ones who find an experienced therapist in the right specialization with whom they can connect.  They are prepared to honestly examine the issues, try new strategies, and persist until they reach the goals than offer wellness.