Trust - Difficult to Get and Keep

Often I hear clients state "I just don't trust him (her)". My response is "To do what?"

1. Assumptions - You might have thoughts that a thing is certain to happen when you don't have any proof that it will. Your assumptions might be either negative or positive. You may expect that the worst will happen and then waste time and effort in the process of worrying. On the other hand, you may expect a good thing will occur and then, when it doesn't, realize that you have lost time waiting.

2. Expectations - You are never disappointed unless you have expectations. People are unique and complex. It can be dangerous to expect that someone will do something just because others, in the same position, would do it. For example, individuals who are honest can easily be scammed because they expect everyone else to be honest. Many aren't so beware!

3. Promises - Mary Poppins described piecrust promises as "Easily made. Easily broken". Sometimes people make promises that they have no intention of keeping. Others promise but do not have the ability to deliver. Unfortunately, promising repeatedly without fulfillment leads to a loss in reputation and trust over time.

4. Patterns - When you watch a person's behaviours you will soon be able to recognize patterns. Those who say one thing and do another cannot be trusted. They will often blame you for not forgiving, not understanding or not being willing to give them another chance. You are not responsible for the bad (or good) behaviours of other people so don't fall into the trap of believing that you are being unreasonable when you set reasonable boundaries.

5. Discernment - There are many people and things in the world that are trustworthy but that doesn't mean that you need to involve yourself with them. You need to be able to do research and then decide if the situation or person will actually match your goals and benefit your life. There might be a new residence, for example, that is well built and attractive. Do you really want it if it takes every last cent that you have and you won't be able to sleep well because of worry after you purchase it? On the other hand, nothing is a "deal" no matter how reduced the price if you don't need it. Discernment is the ability to determine between right and wrong. Choose things and people who are right for you!

When it comes to trust, behaviours show character better than words. It takes time for someone to clearly demonstrate that they have changed their ways. Keep your guard up until they have proven themselves.

What about you? Are you trustworthy? Can other people depend on you to tell the truth, fulfill your promises and make wise choices about life? Or are they disappointed repeatedly because their assumptions and expectations are wrong?

It's time to think about your patterns. If they are admirable, give thanks. If not, make a commitment that over time you and others will be able to trust that you have truly changed!