When He's Married to Mom

Dr. Kenneth M. Adams is an expert in the area of treating trauma-induced intimacy disorders. He has co-authored this, his second book, with Alexander P. Morgan who is a technical writer.

Dr. Adams claims that one in ten men in the United States have excessive ties to their mothers and that this affects all of their other relationships. He abbreviates his term "mother-enmeshed man" as MEM.

Sometimes a mother's emotional needs have not been met and then, as a parent, she turns to her son to fill those needs. Even though he is a young child, most boys, despite their immaturity, try to prevent the mother from being sad. Both mother and son form a relationship that is emotionally inappropriate.

Adams describes seven specific ways that this evidences in the son's adult life. He might not be able to commit to another woman because of his loyalty to the mother. Perhaps he becomes a womanizer who is charming but not looking for a monogamous healthy partnership. Some men do not mature and behave like perpetual adolescents, never fully taking responsibility. Burn out can easily occur for those men who take on the role of caretakers. They focus on meeting the needs of other people while neglecting their own needs. Those who turn to the internet can become cybersex addicts while others try to take on the goals that their mother set for them and end up as disappointed heroes. The final group become lost men who are unable to perform as expect and then experience shame because of that.

The second half of this book goes into detail about how the enmeshment occurs and what can be done to overcome it. Dr. Adams describes individual and partner therapy that he has conducted with clients who have come to him for help. He offers a therapist's perspective, strategies and ideas about services that deal with the areas where the clients are "stuck" so that they can make decisions about what they truly want for their own life and for their relationships.

Dr. Adams also has devoted a chapter to the topic of parenting and challenges both mothers and fathers. He argues that a child needs to have influence from but healthy boundaries with females and males.

At the end of "When He is Married to Mom" is a Bibliography, Recommended Reading and a Resources list.

Dr. Adams is far more than theory and his work goes well beyond writing. He offers workshops for MEMs and also trains professionals in international arenas.

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From Dr. Linda Hancock, Registered Psychologist and Registered Social Worker